Either way, being laid-off sucks. Being laid-off when you are 4-months pregnant really sucks. I know that it is only God who gave me the ability to work the rest of this week and not completely freak out. I know that it's God who will give me the strength to live on the same campus for the next 6-months as my "old work". I know that it is God that will give both Daniel and I the strength to continue to pay tuition to an institution that used to also provide us with a pay cheque. And a hefty tuition at that (not so much a hefty pay cheque).
There are so many emotions that I have dealt with this week. Anger. Fear. Disbelief. Hurt. Acceptance. Relief. Yes, even relief, because this baby-mama is exhausted and wouldn't mind taking a little break.
What do we do now? That's a question I keep asking myself over and over. I have decided that I will not embark on an intense job search. How can I? I am 4-months pregnant, and only getting more pregnant by the day. This week I've also had a few wake-up calls. A few nights after I was laid-off, I woke up at 3am extremely sick. I was up most of the night sicker than I have ever been. I think it's mostly due to a combination of being pregnant and being stressed, but it made me realize that I need to chill-out. Nothing is so important that I risk the health of my baby, and my own health. So, I am going to chill-out.
There's no doubt that these next few months will be very, very tough for Daniel and I. Daniel is working part-time, plus in his final year of university, plus leading a small group, plus helping out with our church, plus, plus plus..how much else can I expect from my husband?
I'm going to try to find odd-jobs here and there. Perhaps work the Christmas rush at a retail store. Perhaps do some baby-sitting. Wherever God leads me I'll go.
This whole experience has taught me that I really, really like my independence. Before this happened Daniel and I were paying some extremely expensive bills on our own. We are living on our own. We have our own car. We are standing on our own feet. But, our feet are collapsing from beneath us and I don't think we can be so independent right now. I'm praying that the Lord would give us the ability to continue to do most of what we're doing on our own (always with the Lord's provision). I'm also praying that most importantly, we'll be fully-independent by the time the baby arrives. If you could pray that Daniel would have a wonderful full-time job by May 2012, that would be amazing.
This is all very personal, so I don't know why I'm sharing it on here. I don't want certain people even knowing I don't have a job, but perhaps now they'll find out. I guess I need the prayers more than I need my pride.
:) Thanks to everybody who reads this blog and supports me. I love the kind comments that I receive, you are awesome. You just may be reading a lot more from me now..