What Is a Sugar Baby?

When I first started this blog my intention was to create a space where I could share my personal experiences and hopefully encourage other women. Particularly, I wanted to share how God has changed me into a very different person in a short period of time. I know many young Christian women can't relate to my extreme experience as a very lost and destructive teen, but I hope to encourage women who are going down the path of destructive sexual relationship with men.

So, I'm going to try to stick to my original plan and blog a bit more about my experiences. I can either be haunted by my past, try to completely forget it, or allow my past to shape my future and use my experience to encourage and teach others.

Today, while I was bored and channel-surfing, I came across an interesting episode of Dr. Phil. I really dislike this TV Show, but I was intrigued by this particular episode. Dr. Phil was discussing a new online "dating" phenomenon, where Sugar Daddies are matched up with Sugar Babies. Basically, these "dating" websites hook-up young women with established (AKA: rich) men. The men exchange money for the women's service (whether it be spending "time" with them, or more likely..having sex with them). This is so disturbing and scary.

As I watched this episode I recognized something in these young women: myself, just a few years ago. Had I known these sites existed, I may have been on there.

Then, I asked myself an even tougher question: wasn't I basically a sugar baby anyway? I think a lot of young girls are bartering their bodies for money or gifts from men, without even realizing it. How many times did I feel pressured to "give in" to men because they had bought me dinner, or done something as simple as drive me home.

I remember once my "friend" pulled over on the highway and told me that I had to agree to giving him a sexual favour or he wouldn't drive me home. He threatened to drop me off in the middle of the highway. I was terrified and scared, and for a few minutes we sat there. Eventually he just laughed and drove me to my house, but in that moment I truly didn't know what to do. The saddest part: I remained friends with this guy until I met my husband. I thought this is just how guys treat girls.

Why are women joining these dating sites? Do they really want Gucci-purses that badly? I don't think it has anything to do with the money, but everything to do with low-self esteem. I remember feeling powerful, needed, and desirable when men were willing to do things for me or buy me something. In reality, I was just being used and what they were "giving up" was nothing compared to what I was sacrificing.

If you are reading this and can relate I just have one thing to say:
You are more valuable than all the money in the world. Nothing a man can give you, material or otherwise, is worth you sacrificing your body and your soul. I know if you can relate, you know that your heart and soul is affected when you give in to men because you feel pressured to. I'd encourage you to seriously look at yourself and re-consider what you are worth. A man does not cherish and care for a woman if he expects sexual favours from her. Remember that, and stay away from any man who doesn't make you feel treasured without having sex with you.

E-mail me at thisrookiewife@gmail.com if you need to talk.


  1. The great Ken Ham once put it that since the fall in Eden, all men are inherently afraid of rejection and all women are inherently afraid of exploitation. I think that the scenarios you are describing show that both sexes are falling victim to each of their core fears but are trying to justify it by making themselves feel like they're taking control. For instance, if a guy demands a sexual favour, then he has taken control of the situation: he either gets what he wants or brushes it off as a mere rejection of his tactics than himself. If a girl sells her body for money or gifts then she's not being exploited since she's "in control" of the "sale". It's a sad, broken world we live in where most of us are playing a facade to fool even ourselves...

  2. This world is sick and disgusting! I too pray that any woman who reads this and feels even a hint of this in their lives runs from it. I am deeply sadened by what Brianna has gone through in the past but I am estatic about how the Lord has worked in her life allowing her true deliverence from the trappings of this world. I know God has blessed both of us in so many ways and I pray that any woman reading this sees the victory God has worked through Brianna's life and clings to the hope that we worship a big God! a God who is bigger than any man, and a God who loves you unconditionally.

  3. GREAT post. Love seeing you use your past that has now been redeemed, for God's glory :) proud of you.

  4. Thank you for this. Made me think and question the relationship I'm in. He is constantly asking for "favours" and I always feel guilty if I say no. I know he really loves me but maybe he's definition of love is all wrong? I have tried talking to him about it but he assures me that all guys are like this and they need those favors by nature. By the end of the conversation I feel bad for even bringing it up...

    1. Hey, as a guy I have to say not all guys are like this. With that being said I must admit I too feel the temptation to "ask" for favours, but sex or sexual acts are never a bargain. This can become a problem even in a marriage. I could tell Brianna I will do the dishes if you have sex with me after, but thats not loving. A true loving man pursues wife whether sex is involved or not. If you feel pressured into sexual acts then it is not loving, it's manipulation. Women want to be pursued and if a man wants her he must pursue her. Do not feel bad for bringing it up because it needs to be talked about because it is harmful to you, and to him if he thinks he can get away with manipuating a woman who he "loves".

    2. Thanks for your reply. That really helped.Its nice to get a guy's perspective on this too!

  5. Amen Brianna. Keep up the great posts.

    I really appreciate your humility and vulnerability. I love that you're sharing the wisdom that God has poured into you!


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